Well my mind is in a fog but I'll try to give you my best thoughts on this......
The pain over the weekend was pretty bad and getting worse. On Friday I called for a refill on my percocet prescription and for the first time they didn't hastle me or make me come in, they just wrote me a refill. Silly me thought things were looking up. The pain was pretty terrible Friday night, and continued all day Saturday. Sunday started off looking like it was getting better but I started the downslide later in the day. Stress probably didn't help the situation. I won't go into detail but lots of stress at home.
By late Sunday I was in terrible pain, and had been taking care of the kids by myself all day. Baths, meals, homework, etc. I went to bed after I got them in bed. Took my percocet and hoped for sleep. In never came. Even with the percocet running through my veins I was in terrible pain. It was very specific right sided pain. The kind of pain that makes sleep impossible. Feels like my ovary is in a vice. I was up till 5 am. My alarm clock went off at 7:45 am. I'm not going to make it. My husband got the kids fed and we dropped the kids off at school and went straight to the ER.
I got to the ER at 8:45 am. It was an hour and a half before I got called from the waiting room to go to a bed. It was another hour and 45 minutes before I got something for the pain. And the only reason I got it then is because my husband (who had left earlier) came back and got on the Dr.'s asses to help me! When my husband came back in the room I was balling my eyes out. I wasn't expecting him to come back until I called him so he kinda caught me off guard. He asked why I was crying. I explained that the nurse couldn't get the IV in my vein. She had pushed and pulled that fucking needle in both of my arms but just couldn't seem to do it. And I was still waiting for pain medication. That's when he went out and got on the Dr.'s asses. Finally a new nurse came in and within 2 minutes I had an IV. And about 15 minutes later I finally got the medication that would stop the pain in my stomach.
In between waiting and finally getting a bed and waiting for pain medication I was given a vaginal ultrasound. I was also given the neon yellow drink for a Cat Scan even though I just had one last month. I have been to the ER 4 times in the last few months and every time I'm there it's the same thing. I tell them it's my ovary, they ignore me and make me get a cat scan. The ultrasound and cat scan both showed the same thing. I have 2 ovarian cysts. Both about 3 cm big. One is 2.8 cm and the other 2.7cm. But what the doctor seemed even more concerned with was how constipated I am. She thinks that it is adding to the pain I'm in from the cysts. I explained that I had adhesions removed from my bowel during my last surgery on June 4th, and that ever since then I haven't been "going" that frequently. Before the surgery I was "going" every day. They blamed it on the narcotics I've been living on and told me that I needed to take something to help me "go" They gave me a suppository and some drink called sodium bicarbonate. The doctor called it "colon blow"
So I finally get home around 3:15 pm. I drank 1/2 the bottle of colon blow and passed out. I woke up feeling like puking, went to the bathroom and basically just passed a lot of gas and then went back to sleeping. I slept until 7:45 this morning when my husband woke me up. So the colon blow didn't do a damb thing. Great! And quite frankly I don't believe it's the narcotics that are keeping me from going. The constipation didn't start until about a month after the surgery. I've been living on narcotics since May! I think it has something to do with the adhesions that were removed from my bowel, I don't know, maybe it's a combo of both. Whatever it is though I need to find a way to get things moving.
I feel like I'm living in a dreamstate right now. They gave me 2 injections of Diloudid sp?. I slept from 3:45 yesterday afternoon till 7:45 this morning and right now i feel like I'm in a dream. I need to wake up and get going! The next surgery is in 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS! I'm so scared. I'm just so fucking scared! My husband thinks I should just let them remove my ovary. My mother thinks the same. Neither of them has done a damb bit of research on the side-effects of removing both of a woman's ovaries at the age of 34. I have done the research. It terrifies me. I have been told that I am miserable and everyone around me is miserable. Well I'm really sorry to be such a burden, truely I am, but I didn't choose this. I didn't ask for this. The only thing I know to be true is that I need to make the best choices for my body and every instinct in me screams that removing the ovary is going to lead to more problems. It is not reversable.
This is just another day in the life of Endometriosis. The name of my blog is Everyday Endo and todays post is probably no different then the other 5 million women in North America living with this disease. It's a nightmere. The symptoms are intolerable. The side-effects from the drugs are intolerable. The effect it has on the people around us is intolerable. It's all a big fat ugly nightmere. WHY can't someone help me!? I'm 34 years old and I'm faced with losing the last of my natural hormone making capability in 3 weeks. And as much as pleasing the people around me should NOT be a factor in that decision, it is. It is a factor. My husband is so unhappy. I feel like it is all my fault. I feel like if I don't remove the ovary he will resent me. I feel like if I do remove the ovary I will resent him.
No comments:
Post a Comment